Releasing Your Inner Critic
Did you know that the average person has upwards of 6,000 thoughts every single day? Now imagine if a large percentage of those thoughts were constantly criticizing you with hurtful statements like…
“You're not good enough.”
“You're behind.”
“You're failing.”
“You're too much.”
“You're not enough.”
“You're ugly.”
“You're unlovable.”
“You'll never figure it out.”
“You’re a failure.”
Sound familiar?
If so, you're not alone.
Anxiety, depression, trauma, perfectionism, and low self-worth are only on the rise in the United States, and often come paired with a loud inner critic—one that seems determined to drown out any positive thoughts of everything wonderful about you while pointing out every single perceived flaw.
The problem is that many of us have listened to this voice for so long that we've started treating the inner critic’s opinions as if they are facts about us.
Just an FYI: they're absolutely not.
Just because you think something doesn't make it true.
Most of the time, that inner critic is simply repeating stories you've collected throughout your life, or hurtful word and judgement you’ve picked up from other people. Maybe they came from difficult childhood experiences, relationships, bullying, rejection, comparison, unrealistic expectations, or moments when you were deeply hurt.
Somewhere along the way, those experiences evolved into beliefs about yourself. And those beliefs became the voice in your head running the show.
Here's the thing about the inner critic: that is not you. You are not that voice, and that voice is not truth.
The inner critic is like a radio station playing in the background. You are just the one listening to it.
The next time your inner critic starts running its mouth, pause and ask yourself:
Is this actually true?
Where did this belief come from?
Would I speak this way to someone I love?
What evidence do I have that this thought is wrong?
You can challenge these beliefs and even change the radio station if you’d like. It doesn’t mean that you won’t have negative thoughts every now and then. The goal is just to observe them and stop giving them authority over your life because that criticism is not your identity.
Healing begins when you start noticing the voice, questioning the voice, and choosing which thoughts deserve your attention.
The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.
The way you speak to yourself matters. The way you care for yourself matters. The way you see yourself matters.
If you are struggling with where to start, start small with one compassionate thought or positive affirmation to repeat to yourself. Maybe you can show yourself some love through a gesture or action.
Over time, those small steps you take in a positive direction begin to take control of the narrative.